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Finding out

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Ben: It was night time and mum and dad came to the hospital with my sister. They were all sitting in this little room and someone sent for me and I didn't want to go. I knew it was something that would hurt all of us. I just knew that. I didn't know much about HIV and AIDS. I knew it was bad, I knew it was really bad. I knew you could die from it. They were all in the little room and they wanted to talk to me and I didn't want to talk to them. And this was when my mind started to get incredibly screwed up. From that day on, I was a mess...

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Catherine: He said, 'Well, I'm very sorry to tell you that's she's got HTLV 3.' And my dad went: 'Oh thank God, I thought you were going to tell us she'd got AIDS then!' And my mum went, 'Jim! Oh, Jim!' Then she started whacking him on the arm. And she's saying, 'He does mean that, that's what he does mean!"

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Dave: Recently my Mum showed me a letter that she'd received from the local hospital. It was just a bog standard letter, with our names put into it, not even signed or anything. "Dear Madam, your son's been tested positive for H-"...whatever it was called at the time. My name and Robert's name just put in, in Biro, and on a separate piece of paper - that she'd have to be careful what she did with the toothbrushes, with the cutlery, with the plates, with the cups.... She showed me that, actually, and when I was reading it, I was like: 'Oh my God! It just came through the post! It just came through the post. I couldn't believe it.'

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David: We knew there was this problem which probably came via the treatment - that was known. It was known it was spreading rapidly in America. I don't think at that particular time anyone had died with it, but some people were feeling a bit ill - some of them, one or two. So we didn't really know very much about it. All we knew was that it was this life-threatening condition, which hadn't got a name then.

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Joseph: In 1983, early 1983, I remember meetings with a number of other haemophiliacs where we were told about a bug that had found its way into blood and blood products. It wasn't really explained at that time what the consequences are, what it would mean for us, and what we should do in terms of changing our lifestyles or protecting others. In fact, I don't even think we were initially told that it would be infectious to other people.

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Michael: This staff nurse walked through the door and she'd got this gown on, and these plastic gloves, and this mask. And she come in, opened the door, she pushed the label thing over something on the door, shut the door and sort of sat there. And we both sort of looked at her, gob smacked, sort of thing, and I said, 'What's all this about then, what are you all gowned up for?' And she said, 'Oh,' she says, 'I have to,' she said, 'because you're HIV positive.' And I said, 'I'm very sorry nurse, but I didn't know that.'

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Mick: It wasn't till 85, and receiving a diet sheet through the post from the hospital. It was literally one piece of paper. I can't remember the exact wording, but the top of it on one side it says: "If you are having symptoms of HIV, you need to eat this sort of stuff"; and on the other side, it says: "If you are having symptoms of AIDS you need to eat this sort of stuff". I remember being shocked at getting it and thinking - why the bloody hell have they sent me this? Silly arses, they've cocked up again. Threw it away. Got on the phone straight away. Phoned the hospital up and said "You've sent me a diet sheet for AIDS and I just want to know why?". And they said they can't possibly talk about it over the phone, I need to make an appointment and come in. I said: "I want to know now if I've got AIDS or not". "Can't talk about it over the phone, you need to make an appointment, come and see the doctor". So I put the phone down on them and phoned my GP up straight away and he said: "We got a letter off the hospital about a year and a half ago. We just presumed -" (which you would do) "- that the hospital had told you".

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Owen: Before I was told I knew, because it was in the media. There would be stuff on the TV mainly, I remember, and in the newspaper. Basically what it was saying was - there was this thing and it was killing gay men and it was horrible and awful and it was a killer - and oh, it might have got into some medical treatment for people with haemophilia. And it was so scary...

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Stuart G: The sister on the unit, the haemophilia sister, took my mum to one side and said: "It's a shame about all the boys, isn't it?" and that's the first my mum really knew about it.